Romantic Anthems That Make Me Go "Hahahahahahahahahahha" Sometimes....even funnier than comic book themes...!!!
I have been wanting to get this out of my system for a long, long time now, but somehow have not been able to ...because of (what else!!) but time constraints!!!! There are some songs that make one go weak in the knees.....and then there are others that make you go all "awwww" and "aaaaah".....And then there are some that make you want to headbang....And then there are some that make you want to berate the very singer/songwriter who decide to croon/write these songs in the first place .....This is my list of some famous English songs, generally sung or heard around the festival of Love, or the month of February, though I am not ruling out the possibility of hearing them sometime else. These anthems are categorised under 'Romance' and make me go, "Dude!! Can you cut out the crap now and get real?" Here goes....
1. EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU (OST - 'Robin Hood') - BRYAN ADAMS
Dude!! Do you even realise the weight or the meaning of the lyrics of the song?? "Everything I do, I do it for you"? Huh? What kinda world do you come from? Lying, dying, trying to "walk the wire" (although I don't have the slightest clue what that means!), fighting for your Lady Love ...... all that can be tolerated to a certain extent, though most of the ladies would definitely feel un-superior if you were to do that in today's world, considering how they have consistently beaten guys in almost all the fields. But think about it .... would you want a man to think about you while he is farting? Or shitting? Or breaking wind and digging his nose? Would you want him to have you in his mind when he is downing jugs and jugs of beer with his buddies??? We sure hope not!! That would be some way of keeping his woman on his mind all the time... though that would probably amount to taking things a bit too far. A bit????
2. WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL (OST - 'Notting Hill') - RONAN KEATING
This song was probably written when the songwriter/lyricist had either lost his voice. Or lost his brains. Or maybe both, including all his mental faculties. Insane lyrics. I have been reading in relationship journals and magazines, and numerous Agony Aunts have come out in support of this theory... "The key to a good relationship is good communication". And here, this guy totally turns over the theory on its head by saying, "You say it best when you say nothing at all...." Is his girlfriend vocally-challenged?? Or does he lack a good set of ears? Can't they just speak out whatever they have to say to each other? Or does it require a billion megawatts of power and joules of energy for him? God help them!
3. LOVE ME FOR A REASON - Boyzone
One of the most juvenile songs I have ever heard, by an equally juvenile boy band who made girls swoon all over the world, with their blonde hair and blue eyes. "Love me for a reason, let the reason be love"? Love, of all the reasons? Didn't the guys know about money? Or jewellery? Or some nice swanky house as a reason? Didn't they know that love isn't the only thing that stays put? Does it take that huge a brain to figure out why we like Jamie Oliver? 'Cause he would cook for us. Or George Clooney? 'Cause of those devilishly-twinkliing eyes and that utterly sexy grin. What's with love as a reason here? Muhahahahahaha!!
4. NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU - Glen Medeiros
All said and done, love doesn't stay the same forever. People might say whatever they want in a rush of emotions. But the truth cannot be changed. Mr. Glen Medeiros may croon whatever he wants to impress the woman he loves. But even he will admit to this - ten years, two babies, and a demanding work environment and family later, love will surely not stay the way it was during his fresh adolescence.
5. I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU - Boyz II Men
This has got to be the funniest EVER. Surely. Any guy would loooooove to sing this song. Because this is the first thing that he would do. Get a girl into bed. Fulfill his carnal desires. After all, boys will be boys. You don't need to be Boyz II Men to figure that out! Or do you?
6. HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU - LeAnn Rimes
Lady, what in the whole wide world do you mean by "How do I live without you"? Is it so supremely impossible? Does life stop and come to a standstill 'cause of a heartache? If this would be the case, the world's population would steadily decrease every couple of months. Almost everyone goes through a breakup atleast once. If everyone started contemplating suicide in such a scenario, what a depressing world it would be! Honey, get a grip on your life! You're single.... and ready to mingle. There are thousands of fish out in the ocean. Forget the old flame, go get a new one! And stop whining how impossible it is to live without your sweetheart........
7. I KNEW I LOVED YOU - Savage Garden
Hahahahahahahhahahahaha!!! What in heaven's name is this? "I knew I loved you before I met you......" Man!! You sure are blessed with immense telepathic skills! Did you gaze into a crystal ball? Or read tarot cards? Or did you perform some elaborate ritual to please the Higher Powers to disclose the name of your soulmate even before you had met her? Whatever you did, best of luck dude.... and do take some time out to visit a shrink.... you sure need it!
8. RIGHT HERE WAITING - Richard Marx
This HAS to qualify as the Ultimate Loser's Anthem. Marx whines throughout the song, tells his Lady Love that he will wait patiently and endlessly for her. Will someone knock some sense into his thick head? Does he not realise that women would NOT WANT to have a low-on-self-esteem-always-whining-loser as the man in their lives? Why are you constantly telling your woman that you will be "right here waiting for you, wherever you go, whatever you do", Mr. Marx? Why don't you go out and actually do something for her?
9. MY HEART WILL GO ON (OST - 'TITANIC') - Celine Dion
I have no words whatsoever to describe this love ballad. Celine Dion stands on the deck of the ship and continues screeching and yodelling throughout the course of the song, until you feel like pulling her by her brownish-golden locks and throwing her overboard. But, who knows, she might just continue singing even underwater, freezing and sinking. After all, her heart will go on, even though her body might shrink of rigor mortis. Or her liver and pancreas and kidneys stop functioning.
10. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU (OST - 'THE BODYGUARD') - Whitney Houston
Only if you want to go through your life as a loser, while your ex flaunts his new girlfriend all around town. Like I told Ms. Rimes, get a grip woman! Get a life! Even if you cannot stop loving your pathetic ex-boyfriend, atleast don't announce it to the world at the drop of a hat. Pick up a dictionary and check the meaning of 'self-respect'. Inculcate some.
11. I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING - Aerosmith
Yeah right! Like you don't wanna miss her sitting on the pot? Or taking care of her daily ablutions? Or getting rid of the hair from her skin by applying sticky, icky, gooey, ugly wax? Dude.... how desperate! Stay away atleast for some time... you don't have to be the equivalent of a helpless joey clinging onto poor mother kangaroo.
12. AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME - The Backstreet Boys
Okay. So you don't care a dime if your 'significant other' is a convict? Or a doper? Or a lunatic who has escaped from an asylum? Or a murderer with twenty alter egos? Huh? You don't? Jeeeez...... I couldn't have come across a more generous person. It makes me feel as small as the beetle crawling across the floor. Or maybe even tinier.
I will come up with more mush and sucky romantic songs, as soon as I hear them somewhere and am reminded of those ghastly lyrics. Ciao! :)
1. EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU (OST - 'Robin Hood') - BRYAN ADAMS
Dude!! Do you even realise the weight or the meaning of the lyrics of the song?? "Everything I do, I do it for you"? Huh? What kinda world do you come from? Lying, dying, trying to "walk the wire" (although I don't have the slightest clue what that means!), fighting for your Lady Love ...... all that can be tolerated to a certain extent, though most of the ladies would definitely feel un-superior if you were to do that in today's world, considering how they have consistently beaten guys in almost all the fields. But think about it .... would you want a man to think about you while he is farting? Or shitting? Or breaking wind and digging his nose? Would you want him to have you in his mind when he is downing jugs and jugs of beer with his buddies??? We sure hope not!! That would be some way of keeping his woman on his mind all the time... though that would probably amount to taking things a bit too far. A bit????
2. WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL (OST - 'Notting Hill') - RONAN KEATING
This song was probably written when the songwriter/lyricist had either lost his voice. Or lost his brains. Or maybe both, including all his mental faculties. Insane lyrics. I have been reading in relationship journals and magazines, and numerous Agony Aunts have come out in support of this theory... "The key to a good relationship is good communication". And here, this guy totally turns over the theory on its head by saying, "You say it best when you say nothing at all...." Is his girlfriend vocally-challenged?? Or does he lack a good set of ears? Can't they just speak out whatever they have to say to each other? Or does it require a billion megawatts of power and joules of energy for him? God help them!
3. LOVE ME FOR A REASON - Boyzone
One of the most juvenile songs I have ever heard, by an equally juvenile boy band who made girls swoon all over the world, with their blonde hair and blue eyes. "Love me for a reason, let the reason be love"? Love, of all the reasons? Didn't the guys know about money? Or jewellery? Or some nice swanky house as a reason? Didn't they know that love isn't the only thing that stays put? Does it take that huge a brain to figure out why we like Jamie Oliver? 'Cause he would cook for us. Or George Clooney? 'Cause of those devilishly-twinkliing eyes and that utterly sexy grin. What's with love as a reason here? Muhahahahahaha!!
4. NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU - Glen Medeiros
All said and done, love doesn't stay the same forever. People might say whatever they want in a rush of emotions. But the truth cannot be changed. Mr. Glen Medeiros may croon whatever he wants to impress the woman he loves. But even he will admit to this - ten years, two babies, and a demanding work environment and family later, love will surely not stay the way it was during his fresh adolescence.
5. I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU - Boyz II Men
This has got to be the funniest EVER. Surely. Any guy would loooooove to sing this song. Because this is the first thing that he would do. Get a girl into bed. Fulfill his carnal desires. After all, boys will be boys. You don't need to be Boyz II Men to figure that out! Or do you?
6. HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU - LeAnn Rimes
Lady, what in the whole wide world do you mean by "How do I live without you"? Is it so supremely impossible? Does life stop and come to a standstill 'cause of a heartache? If this would be the case, the world's population would steadily decrease every couple of months. Almost everyone goes through a breakup atleast once. If everyone started contemplating suicide in such a scenario, what a depressing world it would be! Honey, get a grip on your life! You're single.... and ready to mingle. There are thousands of fish out in the ocean. Forget the old flame, go get a new one! And stop whining how impossible it is to live without your sweetheart........
7. I KNEW I LOVED YOU - Savage Garden
Hahahahahahahhahahahaha!!! What in heaven's name is this? "I knew I loved you before I met you......" Man!! You sure are blessed with immense telepathic skills! Did you gaze into a crystal ball? Or read tarot cards? Or did you perform some elaborate ritual to please the Higher Powers to disclose the name of your soulmate even before you had met her? Whatever you did, best of luck dude.... and do take some time out to visit a shrink.... you sure need it!
8. RIGHT HERE WAITING - Richard Marx
This HAS to qualify as the Ultimate Loser's Anthem. Marx whines throughout the song, tells his Lady Love that he will wait patiently and endlessly for her. Will someone knock some sense into his thick head? Does he not realise that women would NOT WANT to have a low-on-self-esteem-always-whining-loser as the man in their lives? Why are you constantly telling your woman that you will be "right here waiting for you, wherever you go, whatever you do", Mr. Marx? Why don't you go out and actually do something for her?
9. MY HEART WILL GO ON (OST - 'TITANIC') - Celine Dion
I have no words whatsoever to describe this love ballad. Celine Dion stands on the deck of the ship and continues screeching and yodelling throughout the course of the song, until you feel like pulling her by her brownish-golden locks and throwing her overboard. But, who knows, she might just continue singing even underwater, freezing and sinking. After all, her heart will go on, even though her body might shrink of rigor mortis. Or her liver and pancreas and kidneys stop functioning.
10. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU (OST - 'THE BODYGUARD') - Whitney Houston
Only if you want to go through your life as a loser, while your ex flaunts his new girlfriend all around town. Like I told Ms. Rimes, get a grip woman! Get a life! Even if you cannot stop loving your pathetic ex-boyfriend, atleast don't announce it to the world at the drop of a hat. Pick up a dictionary and check the meaning of 'self-respect'. Inculcate some.
11. I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING - Aerosmith
Yeah right! Like you don't wanna miss her sitting on the pot? Or taking care of her daily ablutions? Or getting rid of the hair from her skin by applying sticky, icky, gooey, ugly wax? Dude.... how desperate! Stay away atleast for some time... you don't have to be the equivalent of a helpless joey clinging onto poor mother kangaroo.
12. AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME - The Backstreet Boys
Okay. So you don't care a dime if your 'significant other' is a convict? Or a doper? Or a lunatic who has escaped from an asylum? Or a murderer with twenty alter egos? Huh? You don't? Jeeeez...... I couldn't have come across a more generous person. It makes me feel as small as the beetle crawling across the floor. Or maybe even tinier.
I will come up with more mush and sucky romantic songs, as soon as I hear them somewhere and am reminded of those ghastly lyrics. Ciao! :)
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