That's me.
Yes, I am stupid. I don't understand things easily. I take time. I take my own sweet time. And even when I do understand, I somehow haven't. Because my brain is busy in another dimension. Because I'm thinking of too many things at the same time (I know I need to get rid of this!). But this is due to sheer habit and not out of any compulsion to keep the other person silently waiting.
Yes, I am absent-minded. I am lost. Most of the time I am mentally lost. When you are talking to me, I am probably singing an old Hindi song. Maybe I want to be talked with, and not to. I am a child. Maybe I'll never grow up.
Yes, I am selfish. It might be wrong to be selfish. I would be better off if I was selfless. Maybe. But who knows? I am not a saint. I am just a person. I do things for people when I like them, I do things for people when I barely know them. I'm a pusher. I can be easily asked to do someone a favour without asking for anything in return, or to help out a colleague to cover up for them when they are bunking work. Even though I know they are out enjoying while I cover their asses, I will still do it for them. Though I know I probably will never ask them for anything. I just help out.
Yes, I am paranoid. Of losing my parents and the closest people in my life. Of not being happy in life after watching a joint family shatter to bits and pieces because of certain people. Of waiting and waiting for something that will never happen. Of trying to nake my life a success but failing somehow. Of sitting all alone in my old age, with no one for companionship. Of dying all alone, with no one by my bed. Of always scowling and frowning, trying to smile through everything, and yet being made to feel doubtful and sceptical.
Yes, I am jealous. Jealous of losing someone.
Yes, I am predictable. I will say the same things, do the same tasks, have the same expressions, feel the same way for a long time.
I am all this. I am a person trying to find her place in the world, going round and round in circles and never really finding the one point where she started from. Who knows where that is? I don't.
Yes, I am absent-minded. I am lost. Most of the time I am mentally lost. When you are talking to me, I am probably singing an old Hindi song. Maybe I want to be talked with, and not to. I am a child. Maybe I'll never grow up.
Yes, I am selfish. It might be wrong to be selfish. I would be better off if I was selfless. Maybe. But who knows? I am not a saint. I am just a person. I do things for people when I like them, I do things for people when I barely know them. I'm a pusher. I can be easily asked to do someone a favour without asking for anything in return, or to help out a colleague to cover up for them when they are bunking work. Even though I know they are out enjoying while I cover their asses, I will still do it for them. Though I know I probably will never ask them for anything. I just help out.
Yes, I am paranoid. Of losing my parents and the closest people in my life. Of not being happy in life after watching a joint family shatter to bits and pieces because of certain people. Of waiting and waiting for something that will never happen. Of trying to nake my life a success but failing somehow. Of sitting all alone in my old age, with no one for companionship. Of dying all alone, with no one by my bed. Of always scowling and frowning, trying to smile through everything, and yet being made to feel doubtful and sceptical.
Yes, I am jealous. Jealous of losing someone.
Yes, I am predictable. I will say the same things, do the same tasks, have the same expressions, feel the same way for a long time.
I am all this. I am a person trying to find her place in the world, going round and round in circles and never really finding the one point where she started from. Who knows where that is? I don't.
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