Similarities...resemblances...
I feel a bit like Mattie Gokey. Well, maybe not just a bit. I feel quite similar to her, and the dilemmas she faces. Obviously I am not in a terrible position as she was. I don't live on a farm with a father, four sisters and lots of cows I have to milk and chicken I have to feed. I don't have a dead mother. I don't have a brother who ran away from home. I don't have to scrimp and save to pay for my tuition and accommodation. No one ever stopped me from studying further and further. I had no responsibilities. So my life has been smooth sailing so far. But I have my own dilemmas, something I need to sort out soon if I am to make something of my life.
Like Matt, I am in love. Like Matt, I love books and words and vocabulary and dream of going to the Columbia School one day. Like her, I love dreaming, day and night. But what of those dreams? What if they come to nought? Like Mattie, I'd love to marry my Royal one day. But what if he isn't the man I thought he was? What if he doesn't love me the same way? What if I end up as Grace Brown, and not Minnie (Jim loves her like crazy!). What if I end up like Emily Baxter, a published poet, made pariah by the Church and society for blasphemy, hated by her husband, with no children to love her and no one to look after her, apart from the thousands of books? Who will I end up as? I like Mattie. She's kind, like me. She isn't selfish. She is headstrong but cares for everyone around her. Sometimes, you think it would be better if she put her interests before anyone else's. For once. But with Mattie, it doesn't happen. Life has dealt her a cruel hand. But she will shape and create her own destiny from the shale and granite generously handed out to her.
Maybe Mattie will help me decide one day. About marriage and life, books and words, love and loneliness, family and solitude. I hope she shows me the way. To Inlet. And Columbia. And the place where I can pursue my dreams without having to adapt, adjust or sacrifice.
Like Matt, I am in love. Like Matt, I love books and words and vocabulary and dream of going to the Columbia School one day. Like her, I love dreaming, day and night. But what of those dreams? What if they come to nought? Like Mattie, I'd love to marry my Royal one day. But what if he isn't the man I thought he was? What if he doesn't love me the same way? What if I end up as Grace Brown, and not Minnie (Jim loves her like crazy!). What if I end up like Emily Baxter, a published poet, made pariah by the Church and society for blasphemy, hated by her husband, with no children to love her and no one to look after her, apart from the thousands of books? Who will I end up as? I like Mattie. She's kind, like me. She isn't selfish. She is headstrong but cares for everyone around her. Sometimes, you think it would be better if she put her interests before anyone else's. For once. But with Mattie, it doesn't happen. Life has dealt her a cruel hand. But she will shape and create her own destiny from the shale and granite generously handed out to her.
Maybe Mattie will help me decide one day. About marriage and life, books and words, love and loneliness, family and solitude. I hope she shows me the way. To Inlet. And Columbia. And the place where I can pursue my dreams without having to adapt, adjust or sacrifice.
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