Confusion.

Right at this moment, I’m slightly stunned. Shocked, to be more precise. One of my good friends pinged me on chat sometime back to give me the news that she is getting married by the end of this year. My first reaction was – WHAT? “You are pulling a fast one on me, you are not getting married, how can it be, WHY?” “How can YOU be getting married?” It’s hard to put into words what I’m feeling right now. This friend, she wasn’t one of those besotted by marriages. She was a free spirit, even though she was dating. She was in a live-in relationship, and was pretty clear that she didn’t want to get married for a long time (long time, like the early 30s or something). And then she drops this frikking bombshell that she is getting married this year. I don’t know why I’m feeling so astonished, but she wasn’t supposed to get married! Not her!!!

Immediately, I pinged my bestie on BBM and told her everything. She’s in the same boat as well, a year and a half older to me, with parents asking her to get married, proposals and TamBrahm boys being considered. I told her I am confused – I don’t know if I wanted to get married soon or not. On the one hand, I would love to marry now, have someone to share my day with, laugh and cry together, watch a film or a football match together. I’m quite used to doing things alone. But sometimes, it would be nice to have someone watching a movie with me, so maybe I can turn around and talk to him. When I’m sick at home, it would be comforting to know someone is there and I’m not alone. It would be nice to plan out the next day, take a weekend vacation, travel to a new place and fill up picture albums. But then, on the other hand, I don’t want to get married. I think it would end in disaster, with me divorced and single again. I’m quite impatient, very stubborn, prone to shutting down and serious bouts of rage. I really don’t know how a guy will handle me. Which is why I’d probably like to live my present life, minus the strings that come with a marriage, minus the responsibilities.

I’m still gaping. The friend is happy to be getting married, her boyfriend came to her house early morning and proposed to her; then they informed her parents as well. She is in the seventh heaven of delight; I’m still wondering if I would like getting married now, maybe in the next couple of years. Maybe, I do.