And what else can I say?
Sometimes I feel let down, let down by myself, not by anyone or anything else. Yesterday I was going through some pictures put up on Facebook by a friend. Those included his girlfriend in dresses and heels and everything feminine. And I suddenly felt a twinge of regret. Sadness, anxiety, guilt, disappointment, all rolled into one. I felt somehow I had let down my boyfriend, my best friend, the one person in my life I would like to keep happy.
Yes, I talk to him. But it isn’t actually talking. It’s complaining, whining, crying about one thing or the other. It’s either finances or a decent home; outrageous rents and electricity bills; a screaming, conniving landlord; increasing fares of the metro tickets. Seems like I’m forever complaining and can never be happy. And in such a state, I’m not really being fair to him. I’m not being a girlfriend.
I can’t dress up for him in something I’d like to wear because I probably cannot afford it. Which girl wouldn’t like to sway around in a little black dress with killer four-inch heels and sexy lingerie? I, too, am like any other girl. But the point is – I cannot afford it. Even when he comes down, I cannot do anything special because I can’t afford it. Which is bloody frustrating. When you know you wanna do something but cannot because of strained finances. How can I look good and beautiful and everything else that a girlfriend is supposed to be in 13 grands (when I spend nine grands on just my house). I want to. I want to go out shopping before he comes and buy decent-enough stuff. I want to pirouette in a dress and sandals. I want to get myself waxed and permed and look good for him. And when I cannot, it feels bad. It feels horrible to know that you are incapable of making one person happy. That you constantly complain and moan about every single thing in life. That you even make his life miserable by whining all the time. That you have nothing good or nice to say because you are either preoccupied most of the time with work or too tired to have the energy to initiate something. I wish I were back in college. I wish I could have a fresh, happy going. I wish I didn’t have to think of anything else but looking good and having a good time. But that won’t happen. It’s a vicious circle. A full circle.
Yes, I talk to him. But it isn’t actually talking. It’s complaining, whining, crying about one thing or the other. It’s either finances or a decent home; outrageous rents and electricity bills; a screaming, conniving landlord; increasing fares of the metro tickets. Seems like I’m forever complaining and can never be happy. And in such a state, I’m not really being fair to him. I’m not being a girlfriend.
I can’t dress up for him in something I’d like to wear because I probably cannot afford it. Which girl wouldn’t like to sway around in a little black dress with killer four-inch heels and sexy lingerie? I, too, am like any other girl. But the point is – I cannot afford it. Even when he comes down, I cannot do anything special because I can’t afford it. Which is bloody frustrating. When you know you wanna do something but cannot because of strained finances. How can I look good and beautiful and everything else that a girlfriend is supposed to be in 13 grands (when I spend nine grands on just my house). I want to. I want to go out shopping before he comes and buy decent-enough stuff. I want to pirouette in a dress and sandals. I want to get myself waxed and permed and look good for him. And when I cannot, it feels bad. It feels horrible to know that you are incapable of making one person happy. That you constantly complain and moan about every single thing in life. That you even make his life miserable by whining all the time. That you have nothing good or nice to say because you are either preoccupied most of the time with work or too tired to have the energy to initiate something. I wish I were back in college. I wish I could have a fresh, happy going. I wish I didn’t have to think of anything else but looking good and having a good time. But that won’t happen. It’s a vicious circle. A full circle.
Girls look hot in sports jerseys as well!!! Its true. You don't always have to wear a hot tight Versace thing,guys(atleast the guys that I know of) love watching girls in loose fitting sports jerseys. And everything isn't about money...try communicating with him and talking it out, and if you want to make him feel special, It can be done by spending any amount of money ranging from 0-infinity. Try penning down your feelings for him, or why you are grateful to have him in your life, a self designed card, memories that you shared, loads can be done for little or no cost at all.
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