Anchor?

Almost three decades into my life and I have no one to talk to, to sound me out, when big decisions have to be made. As always, I have to do it all by myself. I could call up S anytime I want but she's literally thousands of miles away and dealing with her own foreign issues. Plus, she has loads of studies and classes and what-not and is tired at the end of the day, so I don't really want to be piling her with my problems. I could call up A as well but I doubt she would understand; at the end of the day, she will never have to grapple with an issue like this. Maa's unwell. Dad's stressed. Brother is too young and has worries of his own, plus he's worried since Maa is not well. So, at 29, I am literally left with no one to talk to me, no one to hear me out, no one to give me a word of advice, no one to tell me right from wrong. I have to fend for myself, which isn't a problem everyday since they are trivial issues. But taking the next step, making a big decision -- you wish there was someone you could bare your soul to, tell each and every single worry, big or small, however banal it may sound. You wish you could tell them that you are scared, too scared to get out of your comfort zone. You wish you could tell me them to reassure you, to comfort you, to give you that word of consolation that would make everything better. Not immediately, of course, but it would make things better in your head, knowing someone has your back. But you put on a fake smile, brush the tears away and say 'Hello!' in your most optimistic and happy voice when you call Dad, just so he doesn't detect the undercurrents of stress and anxiety. Two days back in office, A categorically told me: "You're my rock. If I get worked up, I know you'll keep me anchored." I wish I could say those words to someone. I wish someone would help me see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel right now.

Song of the Day: Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You (Arctic Monkeys)