random musings, again.

There are so many thoughts going through my head right now. I can't seem to think straight, or focus on a particular thing. I know I have a lot to do and rectify. But now I've come to the point where I just want to sit back and let things be the way they will be. I don't want to make any efforts or work myself into a soup thinking of what I can do to rectify the situation. It's all karma. What goes around comes around. I have been reading a lo t of philosophy lately. And I realised that I can only do so much. After sometime, everything gets washed out and it's a new dawn. If things have to happen in a certain way, they will. If they are not bound to happen at all, they won't. I think complaining about it is a problem. My diary is my best friend. She listens to me any time of the day I want to crib and whine. She makes me feel better and lighter. She takes away my worries, if only temporarily. She doesn't get annoyed if I say the same thing again and again and again because doing that makes me feel better.

Sometimes you realise being a woman isn't really happiness. Because you are going against your nature all the time. I'm not saying all women crib. But complaining about something lightens my load, makes me feel better. And if I'm not supposed to do that, it just keeps getting bottled up inside me and one fine day, it'll all explode. I'll explode. And then I won't know what hit me. So I write a lot these days. It's cathartic. It helps me figure things out for myself and what I want with life. As I said, there's only so much I can do, there's only so much patience I can have. I learnt something I didn't have before. I learnt patience, which I think is a big deal for a ferociously impatient person. I guess I'm happy. Or trying to.