April 9, 2008 (Thursday)

I am shit tired. My whole body is aching terribly. As Neha said so aptly, "I feel like an 80-year-old in the body of a 21-year-old." The pain and the tiredness is creeping into my bones as well. My shoulders feel heavy, like a physical load is burdening them. They are weighed down with the weight of the world. Literally. Physically. My legs are aching as well. I am dragging my feet. My neck is aching. My eyes are drooping. I don't feel like sitting in this dratted chair and using my workspace. I just feel like lying down on my comfortable bed and doing nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. Not even read. Just plug in some nice soothing music into my ears. Something like Aqualung or Gareth Gates or Coldplay or Linkin Park. Just lie back and listen to good music. But I have to go back home in this stupid Delhi heat after sometime. I have to take a stupid Blueline that will be packed like a tin of sardines. People falling over each other in their bid to get even a centimetre of space to stand. Smelling of stale breath and cigarette smoke and body odour. With the conductor shuffling for change in the pocket of his torn uniform and handing them to me with his dirty hands. God! Everything seems just so bleak at this minute. And existence seems but a burden. Staring at the computer screen in front of me is painful. Typing out characters on the keyboard is painful. Walking upstairs to the loo or to get a cuppa is painful. Even reading anything here is painful. Even laughing is a painful process. And to top it all, I did not have breakfast in the morning today because I was too tired to eat! My mouth was too tired to take in the food, chew, grind it into pieces, mix it with the saliva, pulverize everything completely, and then swallow the balled mixture. I hope I feel better. I pray that I feel better. I do not like such a miserable and morose existence. Help!!